Day 4: Superstar

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be a superstar

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of my thoughts

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being self honest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I am self honest I will get killed

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that self honesty is with myself and not with others

I forgive myself that I have not accepted an allowed myself to let go of judgement

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge, in separation of myself

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that everything is One and Equal as Life and as dust that supports Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having too many thoughts

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore my Equality and Oneness with all that exist/everyone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to establish myself as Equality and Oneness in a day, instead of seeing realizing and understanding that it will take me at least 7 to 14 years of daily application like clockwork

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have ‘everything’ fast, without seeing, and realizing that I have to pass the test of time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts of the conscious mind instead of stopping them unconditionally

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breathe when I feel overwhelmed in my mind

I commit myself to remind myself the thoughts are not real and I can stop them, as they were never real to begin with

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I can stop my mind by stopping my thoughts.

Day 2: Honest or Dishonest

Today I went to the mechanic to put winter tires. He said the price was X 'and 200' for me. So basically he was cheating/trying to cheat as he was not the owner of the place. I knew I could not let it pass because the older man owner of the company who was also doing work at the same time, he was getting cheated. So when I went to pay I payed the full amount to the owner instead of this worker that asked for money for himself. 

This situation reminded me of when I was working as a waiter and the tips had to be shared equally among all the waiters and the cooks. I cheated many times and it is not cool because the agreement was they were going to be shared the tips.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep tips to myself when they had to be shared.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to steal money from the tip jar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite my coworkers by stealing money from the tip jar and by keeping tips for myself only

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider my coworkers in stealing tips.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to honor the agreement that tips have to be shared.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to despite knowing what is best, act in self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite my coworkers and the chefs by stealing and not sharing tips.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to steal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that stealing when I didn't have the need is dishonest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am 'bad' because I stole tips

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as bad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that money gotten in ill ways is not satisfactory at the end of the day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to allow others to be dishonest with money because I have been dishonest with money in the past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the hard work my colleagues did by stealing tips.

I commit myself to be honest and not accept dishonesty in myself or others

I commit myself to not steal

I commit myself to be fair 

I commit myself to do as agreed in relation to money

I commit myself to have integrity in everything I do and in relation to money

Whenever I see that I am wanting to steal money, I stop and I breathe

I realise it is not cool to be spiteful and disohesnt

Thus I commit myself to have integrity with money

Day 1: Not Quite There

It doesn't matter how much time I have been on and off writing blogs in this 7 year Journey to Life, I haven't achieved the 2555 blogs/days mark that are 7 years of Daily blogging. So it's more like I will finish this Journey in 2030 or beyond, and it is okay.

I have noticed that I am not changed, that I still struggle with the same points as the beginning of this journey, while I have changed some aspects of myself, I am not yet in the 'nothingness' stage, where I reach nothingness and from where I can start my process of Self Creation.

There are no shortcuts to the Journey to Life, that's what I have observed in myself, gotta be self-honest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I have walked over many years that I have reached nothingness whithout testing and making sure of it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see what reality shows me, in my behaviour and living, that I have not reached nothingness yet

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that this process takes 2555 days of daily writing, nothing less, nothing more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that there is no easy way, only 'the way'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become 'lazy' and want to take shortcuts in the Journey to Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that every person is a unique case and that I should not compare myself to other people 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can make the Journey to Life in less days than 2555 days/ 7 years.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that standing up is not only in writing a blog daily but in standing up in reality, the way I live every day

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that unless I am the same 'yesterday, today and tomorrow' as Jesus said, I am not changed in fact

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to 'have done it' instead of 'doing it' in fact - the 7 Years Journey to Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that even though I might see what I want to do in life, this doesn't mean I have made it to nothingness in the 7 Year Journey to Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I have to prove it in real space-time that I have changed in fact

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allwoed myself to believe that I can't make the 7 Year Journey to Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allwoed myself to not see that if Bernard did it, I can do it too

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am capable of finishing but most importantly walking the 7 year journey to Life

I commit myself to trust myself that I can walk the 7 year Journey to Life

I commit myself to not give up in the 7 year Journey to Life

I commit myself to walk the 7 Year Journey To Life until it is done, no matter how long it takes

I commit myself to take it one day at a time, and to walk on day at a time and write once a day until it is done

I commit myself to support myself in seeing that unless I walk it every day, or the next day if I miss one day - it will not walk itself

I commit myself to see that I am capable of walking the 7 Year Journey To Life

I commit myself to remind myself that walking the 7 Year Journey To Life is not only on paper but in real-time living

I commit myself to let go of all addictions and behaviors that don't serve myself or Life in my Journey to Life

Day 56: All Comes Together - My Last Entry

This is my last entry on this blog. Like the lyrics say 'what you do when the chapter ends, do you close the book and never read it again?' I have been pushed to talk and take this decision that I realized, hey, I have gone through the eye of the needle. If I don't accept myself to have done it I will forever sabotage myself, because I tend to never give up which means I am 'stuck' in some application, like I repeated the first course of university several times although failing at it until I eventually moved to do something else.

'The sun comes down and comes back up' say the lyrics of 'Hold on' by Louis Tomilson

I never gave up this process, I might have had times where I didn't apply myself at all and indulged as they say in 'terrenal pleasures' avoiding taking responsibility for myself, but then I would go back to writing. 

Over the course of my process of blogging, 7 years journey to life, I started on the 10th of April 2008, so making the numbers I have walked this blogging process for 15 years and a half. I was 17 years old at the time I started this blog. I'm 33 now.

I have written 454 plus blogs over three different blogs: 

- This one you are reading now

- aStudentJourneyToLife

- BipolarsJourneyToLife

What impulses me to say I have realized who I am and that I am done with the 7 years journey to Life, I stumbled upon the blog by Kristina named 'My final entry' and I saw enough is enough, I can't always think that I am in page 1 when I am not! I know who I am because I have proved it through time that I don't give up and I am still Here no matter what. And it doesn't feel like I have reached anything, it doesn't feel diferent but I trust myself to walk no matter what.

Now as Kristina shares, the process and self forgiveness and expansion never finishes, so now starts the process of Self-Creation.

I know 'what I want out of life' and I am decided to get it done. I know what I will accept and allow and what I won't accept and allow. 

I remember the moment I said to myself 'ive gone through the eye of the needle' but I don't remember exactly what I was doing, if I was high or not -lol. I now have a stable presence, physical presence and I am glad I am Ending this chapter and opening another one of Self-Creation.

How do I know I am not fucking with myself? That I have reached the point of nothingess? I will cross-reference it. Time will  tell. Who is Life and who isn't. Enjoy

Follow my new webiste RubenMoutinho.com

Day 54: Single

Single

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have sex

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  desire to have a girlfriend

I forgive myself that I have accepte and allowed myself to not see realize or understand that it is fine if at the moment I don't have a relationship

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand the importance of time and process

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in regret in terms of having wasted time

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that is when I walk that I see where I should go next

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to simply start doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as more experienced for knowing about this topic of equality, while the person is still interested in other topics.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as both with food and with flaws

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that if I lose my job, without other income, I am having to change jobs or go unemployed.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I have  intrinsic value, and don't need someone external  to value myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear consequence for not moving myself effectively

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being skinned alive as an animal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to move myself to change this existence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can effect world change more that I can conceive.

Day 53: I Am Here

 

Here I am, I am here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see my original innocence.

I forgive myself that I have acccepted and allowed myself to not see that I am not my addictions

I forgive myself that I have acccepted and allowed myself to not see that I am not my limitations

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I am one and equal as breath, as Life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I am not my shortcomings

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see my potential

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see all that I can be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not forgive myself effectively

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am Here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see what I can forgive myself for 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I have a hard time forgiving myself because I am not specific enough

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to talk back, have back chat in my head

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful in my back chat in my head

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have 'security' in my job

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that there is no security anywhere

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am here

Day 52: Self Forgiveness on Spitefulness

I listened to the recordings by Bernard Poolman 'Why We Are Here on Earth' and here is my self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become spiteful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from Life by being spiteful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have power

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I cannot be Equal, so in my inferiority I spited everyone else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see myself as equal to everyone else

I forgive myeself that I have accpted and allowed myself to live to experience energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in  my spitefulness believe that I can get power over others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I cannot possibly control others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be a ruler of this reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I cannot become the ruler of this reality so then I simply spite everyone else because I didn't get what I wanted

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am equal to all others so there is no more or less and that is enough, Equality is enough

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I can be contented and satisfied being one and equal to everyone else, united as Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I forgive myself for my spitefulness I will simply continue

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am One and Equal as Life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I have to forgive myself to give myself the key to Equality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in separation from myself, from who I really am as Life

I commit myself to forgive myself until it is done

I commit myself to remind myself to forgive myself

I commit myself to remind myself to breathe

9 Years

 Nine years have passed since I wrote in this blog, and I am happy to write here again. I am older and (maybe) wiser but also I might have had a different spark back in the times I was 22. I am 31 now. 

Back then I had a wish, that things would change. And things have changed, for the worse. I am talking on an existential level, here on Earth, things are getting worse. And I see that I can't do much about it other than starting with myself. This has also been the point, self first, and here I am. It's 1:26 at night and I can't go back. I can't go back to when I was 22 and coerce myself to change, it is in every moment that I have to change.

I have been obsessed with change, but what is it really? When all on the outside collapses. When there is only me left with myself in my bed at night, with unrest for what I could be doing, so much more than what I have done. 

But there - I was going to say that there is hope - but there is no hope, there must be no hope, because hope has mantained me in a way of inaction, not changing myself hoping for a better future. It doesn't work this way. 

At the moment I see myself so insignificant but it doesen't have to be this way, I have kept writing blogs on two other blogs that I have kept, astudentsjourneytolife and bipolarsjourneytolife. I skipped the students' journey to life because I thought I was no longer a student - and could do a better job at walking the bipolars journey to life. As I was saying, it doesn't have to be this way. I feel insignificant because I believe I have no relevance, and I believe I have no relevance but yet this message will reach someone so I will go to the facts:

We are fucked - and this is not a negative message. There is no way out - and this is not a negative message - but only one, to do what is Best for All. And I believed that by merely keeping alive I was doing a favour to someone - that is not true. It is not true because by merely surviving, nothing will change. It is time to create - a world that is Best for All. 

And this is what frustrates me - but why - because the world is not Best for All. Then I should start with myself - push myself to become the best version of myself. That is why I am writing now, not to cry, not to rant and rave about how fucked we are, but there is a way out, remember? Yes, no matter what I do I cannot escape from the consequences of my actions, and so everyone else - from consequence.

So in the meantime, while the world goes to shit, we are doing like Nero, singing with a small harp while the city burns down to the grown, but withdraw the R, remove the R from Nero and you get Neo - the matrix is real and the red pill is real too. Still have to change the world though - but in the meantime I will recover first from taking the red pill - which is when Neo is in a way reborn in the movie -- I am walking my 7 year journey to life to be born again in the pysical, to stop the mind.

I still remember the first time I realised I could talk in my head, to curse and say whatever I wanted, as a little child - it was precisely when my dog was put down and I was very angry, then my mind activated and voilà it was running like a perfect machine - but it can be unplugged. Check out Desteni.org and the blogs, 7 year journey to life blogs, and start your own so that you can show as proof the process you walked and where you stand, because in times of trouble no one will know = who to trust.

7 Year Journey to Life on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife

My blogs

https://bipolarsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/

https://astudentsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/

Enjoy