Journey

Today I've had a talk with my parents... My mother was worried about me because I've been in front of the computer non stop for a week or more, and I talked them about process.

Basically they were afraid of me not socializing any more, and what would I 'become' with that process... Judgements about Desteni came up... I found it hard to explain what it is... Dear reader: Any commonsensical document to wake up sleeping beings?

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself when speaking to them about Desteni

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear my father disconnecting the screen for me to not be able to stay at the pc at night

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear Desteni being a fake

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to desire that Desteni is true in fear of being fooled

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to stop him from doing that instead of realizing that by resisting it he will be more decided about it

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want my fathers to see what really Desteni stands for

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear them judging me and/or Desteni

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not want my parents to have a 'bad idea' of Desteni

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to react to my parents jokes about it laughing instead of directing me here

My father keeps wanting to stop me from being at the computer - why?

- Tell me..

- Put save now and bye...

- Why you want me to quit pc?

- It's a weakness I am studying I still don't know

- A weakness?

- It's in its phase of investigation..

- If it's a weakness, why do you want me to obey a weakness?

- Look, (laugh) let's see... ai ai (doubt) and more laugh..

- YOu know laughing is a protection to not realize something?

- Oh how beauty...

- So.. you want to pick up the screen so I can't be honest with myself here?

- Yes, ther are many options to be honest, not only the pc

- Here I can't share it for all to see it and be useful to others.

- Maybe it's a weaknes of you - a mirror of my weakness that you carry inside of yourself

- mom: (let's go to sleep all?)

- You know that when you say someone is something is because you identify yourself with that?

- mom: say goodnight - comeone the father is sleepy. -poor father.

- father: I will justify myself.. - I want to go to sleep - give me the screen please.

- You know it's a weakness... you said so.

- will you tell your firends your father is crazy? Not crazy.. half crazy.

- No, you are only of the mind and systems.

- Oh, ok, goodnight

- Goodnight.

I will continue with self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I've accepted

fath: ok put that in paper, save it.. it's late.

me: just go to sleep.

I'll get up at 10

- so use the day

Ok, see you tomorrow.

I am taking the screen

The Pression was from Personality Design

Personality designs operate within ‘extremes’ – meaning, it’ll either ‘elevate the experience of you’ into a ‘self-centered’ experience, whereby you perceive all and everything in you and your world to be ‘perky’ and ‘fine’, ‘beautiful’ and ‘perfect’, and ‘in order’ – where all and everything is seemingly ‘right with the world and with you’ = which send you into the manifested experience of the ‘white-light/spiritualist’ construct OR ‘reduce the experience of you’ into a ‘self centered’ experience, whereby it’ll ‘eject’ so to speak your suppressed emotions of pain, sadness, pity, remorse within which extremes such as ‘aggression’ / ‘depression’ will become the experience of you.

...Realise that whenever you experience everything to be apparently ‘perfect, perky and peachy’ with you and your world – where everything apparently goes ‘right’ = Huge Problem, as this is an example of you being consumed within and as an ‘personality design’ and you’re existing within an alternate mind-dimension and the inevitability of an fast and quick ‘come down’ from such a ‘drugged-like’ experience is imminent as the mind can only sustain an energetically charged experience for so long within and as this reality.

The same goes for those who experience ‘depression/aggression’ in any way whatsoever – it’s a manifested personality design you have become, which is you trying/attempting to ‘hide/escape’ the inevitability of facing you in transcendence here within self honesty.

The key is to live and apply you practically here in every moment of breath – if you’re not living yourself here practically within self forgiveness, self corrective application, breathing in self honesty = but defining yourself according to ‘who you have been and what you have experienced within the past, using the knowledge and information you have acquired here to justify the past by ‘making it more than what it is/was’ = you’re within and as a manifested personality designed entity take-over.

...Thus, if you relate yourself to the past in any way whatsoever – know you’re designing your own personality design and accepting and allowing yourself to participate within it – because of fear of facing your own mind as what you have accepted and allowed yourself to be and become.

PEOPLE: read this http://www.desteni.co.za/Osho/ManifestedPersonality.htm

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to procrastinate in applying self forgiveness in my personality designs and my relations to the past

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe I can't apply this self forgiveness effectively

I am self forgiveness. I am self trust. I am efectiveness

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to try to yawn

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to disconnect from the mind so I remain enslaved and directed by the mind for the rest of my existence here

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to events in the past and to put value into events in the past such as relationships or summer activities

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate extensively in the design of the mind as depression in wanting to hide from proces/hide from who I really am - wich is suicidal/crazy becasue is like giving me up for a machine

I fogive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to get nervous and insecure when I have to make self forgiveness, I am self forgiveness, I am self trust and I am breath - what can go wrong then?

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed mself to believe this lie of the mind as bad feelings to be real

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to get angry for participating in this personality design of depression for months

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can go into process 'little by little' instead of realizing that this is just a beLIEve

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not apply myself in every moment in being aware of my breath

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts of F,

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe I have to go to sleep, it's but a personality design for me to not realize who I am

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not be specific in applying sf now

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that I deserve a happy life

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want/desire having a happy experience in my life - playing out the polarity

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to stop doing sf

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to live in the drug of the mind as depression alternate reality

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to allow anything less than who I am from me

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to supress yawns

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not breathe here in every moment of breath in awareness

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to yawn

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not be here totally aware

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to allow my mind to retract

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not breathe here in awareness

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that is me that is tired instead of realizing that is the mind wanting me to go to sleep and rejuvenate it

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe I was 'lost' when I had this 'depression' instead of realizing that I can't really be lost and that this was a Personality Design

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts of woman

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that its ok suppressing me in presence of others such as friends

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to place value in friends so I fear losing them because apparently they are valuable

I am self value

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe I have to have friends because 'every hone has'

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate in relationship based in self dishonesty, based in not being who each other are - frieds - as potatoes are

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear being self honest with my friends because of the probability of them judging me and spreading the word of 'he is veery strange!'

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to give a fuck about what others and others others talk, think or how they judge me