Stop Preaching

(yesterday night, I wrote this in the middle of doing the last post of the blog)

I was saying (out loud for myself) that I would not talk about anything from desteni that I wad not studied.. applied and here I tried to yawn.

I am not a fucking preacher. I am not helping me, others as me or Desteni. Desteni doesn't need fucking preachers but people that apply what is proposed and live by the principles - and it's not that they 'need' it. So. I stop being a preacher (someone who talks about something that has not lived)

I realised that I was talking about self forgiveness to my mother without knowing what it is and, furthrmore, without having applied it for myself and lived it - forgiving myself for real - . I have seen that from my intelectual talk many questions arised in her and as I replied to her I was fuking it up more and more, saying absolute nonsense to her or inexact stuff, that only showed me and her how much I percieved myself to know and how less I know and even less I lived - that one I knew-
Talking about thoughts and the mind, for example. I didn't even knew how to define 'thought' and discussed with her without giving/sharing anything consistent but missconceptions. This 'made her' hold on to some believes she has about thoughts being part of us and needed in order to function in our world. By trying to explain something that I've not lived and that don't know about, I missed the opportunity.. or .. the first time that someone approaches you saying that all you've ever known is 'fake' not real is an opportunity that has to ve used carefully because if common sense is shared the 'receiver' of the message will be less inclined to hold on to believes.. So.. I stop fucking around with this preaching and only will tak what I've lived.


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after half an hour I said to her that I would not talk to her about anything related to desteni because I didn't know how to explain things/I didn't know precisely and that it would be better if she wanted, to go and see for herself on the webpage and that I could not do 'long highlights' for her. She replyed saying that 'look what you are saying, you are not wanting to discuss it - like me not wanting her to question it (she wants me to question Desteni/be critical if there is something that I see that doesn't make sense to me) I said that I do see for myself and test for myself/will test for myself what is presented in Desteni. But I will stand here, not discussing about the material and talking from the experience, that it's always the best option = an example from one that has lived it-.