The machine revealing itself - school

After coming from the exam and after having dinner I did not do school at first with the justification that I had worked a lot on school already during the day - I was experiencing then anxyety because I 'did not know' what to do - e.g. what to do self forgiveness on - when I stopped and decided to do school the anxyety stopped because I was in simplicity acting - only that today I started a bit too late and I only did like 1,5 hours - I was disconnecting at the end and cold and just being there to finish the two hours so I stopped and drew some online osho cards to see what I had here - the last one let go the previous ripeness and the first one was supression. I see I was supressing me - it was the moment to go and rest and I could let go of wanting to fit the program - two hours - but I can change in one moment because it is common sense that if I am freezing and falling in the mind and .. is enough to stop and move and let go of wanting to --- I see that it is not wanting to admit that I've not directed myself effectively - not wanting to admit that I have not being effective this time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to admit that I have not been effective today with applying and doing the commitment of doing two hours of school work a day

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to feed my ego and obtain recognition for having done work for 2 hours instead of seeing that I was abusing myself and that it is unacceptable

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move myself from the starting point of desire/ego instead of moving me from myself as starting point - in breathing

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to breathe unconditionally

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to doubt what to do - how to direct myself instead of breathing here and seeing in common sense and within the principle of world equality what I can do

I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to be gentle with myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stay cold while doing schoolwork

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be here in every moment of breath while doing school work

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to obtain recognition from doing school work and thus doing it from the starting point of energy instead of me in self honesty here as breathe within the principle of what is best for all

I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to let go of my ego