anxiety

Today I have moved my matrass and other stuff I had from my grandma's home to my new rent room in Barcelona. I will live with 2 other guys from next week until, at least, 5 - 6 months. I have been anxious while doing the moving - more at the end, when at the new flat.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be anxyous when I was at the new flat
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear E. rejecting me for me having my head shaved
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to stay at the new flat
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be anxyous while doing the move instead of remaining here in every moment of breath

In the afternoon my mother phoned me and I was not confortable talking with her - I did not know at first who was calling me because she was calling from her working place. Later on this talk I felt anxyous - I realized that I have not cleared my relationship with her. I felt anxious at the home I am now with my cousin and her partner. I, suddenly, started to feel anxiety in the stomach and it did not happen to me in the last days - maybe is from the fear of change and because I am not doing what I have to do - today I slept too much in the afternoon and too much in the morning (wake up at nine and something and in the midday slept from five to seven pm) today was off from work because yesterday rained very much and there was mud on the field.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate in anxyiety because i am not doing what I have to do instead of doing it
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not set the alarm clock when I slept in the midday
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not stand up in the morning when I woke up
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that If my body is tired i need to sleep more
I forgive myself that i've not accepted or allowed myself to realize that if my body is tired is because of my participation in the mind
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear not having money

Not having money - I feared not having money yesterday after I saw that someone charged my bank 158€ and I did not know where it came from - I feared not having enough money to live in the new flat I am going to

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear not having money to pay the flat
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to get a job to pay the flat
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear having to return with my parents/grandmother because I don't have enough money to live
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear not having money to pay the desteni courses
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear having to live in the streets
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to get a job in barcelona
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that i'ts difficult to find job in barcelona because I didn't find one when I searched for it in the past
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to let myself be influenced by the past by fearing not being able to get a job because of a past experience of not being able to get a job - I will not accept or allow myself to be influenced by the past - I am here.