I was at the computer in the living room when my sister and the cat draw my attention. There was a little spider on the floor and the cat was curiously following it. I stood up and said to my sister to not let the cat kill it, I took it and went outside to 'set it free'. When I was about to release the spider on the Aloe Vera plant of the balcony, and while the spider was running on my hands, I feared it going up my arm - so after releasing the spider on the Aloe and was about to return inside to the computer, I went back and looked for it again to take it on and overcome the fear of ths spider going up my arm by allowing the spider to do it.
I took the spider and it went up my left arm, then on my t-shirt and on to the back, crossing it all the way to go right under my t-shirt sleeve. My sister was behind me describing the way of the spider on my body, in fear - I could hear it in her voice clearly. I was anxious as well and also in fear lol. When the spider entered my right t-shirt sleeve my sister couldn't take it anymore and left. I was a bit anxious - and now I didn't know what to do with the spider in my sleeve. Thoughts were running in my mind of smashing the spider in a moment of fear - I would not allow this to happen, I said to myself. I waited for it to come out but the spider was showing no intention of going out and I feared it would bite me if I pressed the spider into my skin if I were to put my sleeve up to see it. I removed the t-shirt after feeling the spider was on my lower back and thus would not be smashed. From the moment the spider was on my skin I applied self forgiveness for my fears that were popping up like: I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the spider biting me. I could feel the physical legs of the spider walking through my skin - it went all the way up to my head. I feared absurd things happening like the spider entering in my ear and me not being able to remove it. It also moved very close to the eyes and I feared it biting my eyelids or 'jumping in' the eye. It was cool how the spider would hang itself by a web-thread from my glasses, descend a palm or two and go up again, to my glasses - it did it about tree times, like testing my me = I could see it approaching my face slowly! I assisted myself through breath whenever I wanted to go out the situation by dropping the spider. What I utilized when I saw the points of fear like the fear of the spider biting my eyelids or my skin is the vizualization: I visualized this happening and within it I realized that the spider was very little and the pain would be little - if this little spider was able to bit me at all. Utilizing this tool along withthe breath and self forgiveness I could remain stable without going into fear and running away from the experience. At some moments I enjoyed the funny feeling of the little legs running thorugh my sensitive skin - I could not have conceived it before.
After a while I decided to make a vlog about it - while I still had it on my head.
After the experience I was reacting to the feeling of something touching my skin slightly - this showed that I still have fear or that I suppressed the fear instead of forgiving myself. First layer solved though, now I can take little spiders. To release myself completely I have to self forgive more and investigate this point further.
I took the spider and it went up my left arm, then on my t-shirt and on to the back, crossing it all the way to go right under my t-shirt sleeve. My sister was behind me describing the way of the spider on my body, in fear - I could hear it in her voice clearly. I was anxious as well and also in fear lol. When the spider entered my right t-shirt sleeve my sister couldn't take it anymore and left. I was a bit anxious - and now I didn't know what to do with the spider in my sleeve. Thoughts were running in my mind of smashing the spider in a moment of fear - I would not allow this to happen, I said to myself. I waited for it to come out but the spider was showing no intention of going out and I feared it would bite me if I pressed the spider into my skin if I were to put my sleeve up to see it. I removed the t-shirt after feeling the spider was on my lower back and thus would not be smashed. From the moment the spider was on my skin I applied self forgiveness for my fears that were popping up like: I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the spider biting me. I could feel the physical legs of the spider walking through my skin - it went all the way up to my head. I feared absurd things happening like the spider entering in my ear and me not being able to remove it. It also moved very close to the eyes and I feared it biting my eyelids or 'jumping in' the eye. It was cool how the spider would hang itself by a web-thread from my glasses, descend a palm or two and go up again, to my glasses - it did it about tree times, like testing my me = I could see it approaching my face slowly! I assisted myself through breath whenever I wanted to go out the situation by dropping the spider. What I utilized when I saw the points of fear like the fear of the spider biting my eyelids or my skin is the vizualization: I visualized this happening and within it I realized that the spider was very little and the pain would be little - if this little spider was able to bit me at all. Utilizing this tool along withthe breath and self forgiveness I could remain stable without going into fear and running away from the experience. At some moments I enjoyed the funny feeling of the little legs running thorugh my sensitive skin - I could not have conceived it before.
After a while I decided to make a vlog about it - while I still had it on my head.
After the experience I was reacting to the feeling of something touching my skin slightly - this showed that I still have fear or that I suppressed the fear instead of forgiving myself. First layer solved though, now I can take little spiders. To release myself completely I have to self forgive more and investigate this point further.
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